From Recovery to Abuse: Part II

Something is BROKEN in you; We know what the PROBLEM is; You have to do what WE tell you to do…”

Alison's Story

Alison started attending The Village Church in 2007, when she moved to Dallas from her hometown in Central Texas. The previous year she had gone on a mission trip to Germany with a friend, who had moved to Dallas and started attending TVC. This friend couldn’t stop talking about what a great church TVC was, and this intrigued Alison. Looking for a fresh start, Alison decided to move to the big city and moved in with her friend.

Alison grew up in a conservative baptist church and had made a profession of faith in her early 20’s. She was looking for a church that didn’t look anything like the church she grew up in. In 2007, The Village Church was an up-and-coming congregation, with only one campus at the time. For Alison, it was new and exciting and offered a lot of programs for young singles. Alison had also suffered from bouts of depression and decided to attend the Celebrate Recovery group. At that time, TVC was following the traditional tenets of the program, which is widely used in many churches. Alison was in the recovery program for about a year, then TVC opened two new campuses; Denton in 2007 & Dallas Northway in 2009. It was around that time that TVC began to ‘customize’ the Celebrate Recovery program which then just became known as ‘Recovery at The Village’. The shift in recovery moved towards confession, which included completing an inventory list of GUILT & FEARS, SHAME, SEXUAL HISTORY & ABUSE (as in Christina’s case: From Recovery to Abuse: Part I).

Roommates & mentors

While in the recovery group, Alison was required to have a mentor. There were many volunteers who worked in the recovery groups. and two of those people were a couple named Brett & Leigh McLaughlin. Brett was in a pastoral training program at TVC in hopes of becoming a staff member. Alison estimated that his involvement in the recovery program was part of the training or a strategic attempt to increase his chances of becoming staff member later on. Brett & Leigh began to mentor Alison, and it was during this time that they learned about Alison’s dysfunctional childhood, as well as all of the other issues TVC required her to confess and document at recovery group sessions. Alison had expressed her desire to be a mother someday and admired Leigh, because she was a stay-at-home mom to 3 young children. Wanting to mentor Alison more intentionally in this area, Brett & Leigh asked her to move into their home in 2009. 

She accepted.

(REMEMBER: TVC urges singles to have roommates or live with TVC families for mentoring purposes.)

More than a change of address

Alison made arrangements to move out of the apartment she shared with her friend in the North Dallas area to move into Brett & Leigh’s sprawling home in Rockwall, about 15 miles east of Dallas. All of The Village Church’s campuses are quite a drive from Rockwall, so the distance alone was an adjustment for Alison. During the time of transition of moving from the apartment to the McLaughlin’s home, Alison began to notice some things about Brett that made her uncomfortable.  

Shortly before she moved in, the McLaughlins went to ‘Family Camp‘, which is a TVC sponsored summer camp for the entire family. While at the camp, Brett was emailing Alison with messages like, “I miss you so much…” and “Can’t wait to be back in town so you can be with us again…” Since she had already made arrangements to move in with the McLaughlin’s, she tried to ignore her instincts that were telling her that these emails from Brett were inappropriate.

The McLaughlins were generous to Alison, and in effect, love bombed her in the beginning. They gave her a car, an expensive laptop computer and a camera so that she could pursue her passion for photography. While she had transportation to drive herself to and from her job at a bookstore in Plano, Brett insisted many times on driving her to work in the mornings and picking her up in the afternoons, as a means to spend more one-on-one time with her. He would also occasionally take her out to dinner or for ice cream – without his wife or children present. Alison said that Brett came across as creepy and was inappropriate with her while living in their house. 

HOUSE RULES

The rules that the McLaughlins imposed upon Alison were quite shocking. She was fully dependent on them for support and trusted them as mentors and family, so there was no room to disagree or push back on these rules. In her mind, they were doing what was best for her. Brett & Leigh drafted these rules up in the form of a ‘covenant’:

  • Go to Village Recovery every week
  • Go to STEPS every Saturday
  • Meet with a private counselor every week (counselor was Summer Vinson Berger, who is now the current ‘Director of Care’ at TVC)
  • Get up early daily to help Leigh with the children (dress them, prepare breakfast, lunches, etc)
  • Run errands as requested
  • Be home for dinner 4-5 nights a week
  • Participate in family outings
  • Track her monthly cycle on the family calendar

YES YOU READ THAT LAST ONE CORRECTLY!

Since the recovery groups and STEPS require to you make an inventory of your sexual history (see Christina’s story for a sample of the inventory sheet), Alison had confessed to prior sexual relationships. In an effort to prevent her from being sexually active or becoming pregnant, the McLaughlin’s told Alison that they would be tracking her monthly cycle ON THE FAMILY CALENDAR!

when trying harder isn't enough

Like I mentioned before, Alison suffered from depression, which was why she started attending the recovery group at TVC. The method of ‘treatment’ that was prescribed to her was confession, obedience to God, and confronting sin in your life. She was told that unconfessed sin was the root problem of her depression. From a young age she developed ‘coping behaviors’ to combat her depression, which included self-harm. I am very familiar with this as I have a family member who has done this as well. I understand this behavior and why people who suffer from depression engage in it. At this point in Alison’s story, which would be the end of 2010, not one person, counselor, mentor, etc., had recommended that Alison see a psychiatrist or consider taking medication.

 

NYE 2010

Alison’s home group had a New Year’s Eve celebration in 2010, and that is when she believes she had her first ‘manic’ episode. To her, it was an extremely frightening experience where she was at times incoherent and hysterical. The members of her home group witnessed this and someone from the group informed the McLaughlins. They immediately confronted Alison and told her that she had a demon attached to her.

The McLaughlins took her to see (now former) TVC staff member Chris Chavez and a deliverance pastor. They spoke to Alison and explained to her that the demon that was attached to her was generational and the reason it continued to stay attached to her is because she was entertaining it – by self-harming, drinking, thoughts of suicide, etc. They gave her some books to read about deliverance from demon oppression and told her to KEEP TRYING HARDER! (no exorcism needed I guess)

AGAIN – no concern or consideration that what happened to her was related to her mental health – no referral out to a mental health professional – she is continually shamed for her depression and blamed for it.

As a result of this incident, Alison is placed under formal church discipline.

Let's walk through church discipline at The Village Church

According to TVC, Alison’s ‘demon attachment’ was due to a ‘lack of waging war on her sin, failure to walk in repentance & failure to submit to authority in her life’, therefore she was placed under formal church discipline at the recommendation of the TVC pastoral staff, with whom Brett  McLaughlin had close personal relationships with.  

So what does formal church discipline ACTUALLY look like?

There are things that a person under ‘church discipline’ at The Village Church cannot do:

  • Serve communion
  • Serve in ministry or volunteer positions

The rest of the process is up to the pastoral team in charge of your restoration/disciplinary path, which in Alison’s case was Matt Younger & Steve ‘have we tried to help push her under our care‘ Hardin (read some accounts of Steve’s heavy-handedness & the Karen Hinkley debacle here & here). Brett was also very involved in her restoration process.

This path of restoration, that is overseen by the pastors assigned to your ‘case’, if you will, is fully at their discretion. They decide what steps you must take to get back into a ‘right standing’ with the church and whether or not you are walking in repentance. Essentially, it is a moving target.  

Alison was given a laundry list of tasks to perform, and she dutifully complied with all the things Matt & Steve required of her. This consisted of things like attending recovery group, STEPS, counseling, meeting with the TVC pastors, etc. She placed herself under their authority and trusted their leadership. After a few months, they decided she was ‘walking in repentance‘ and restored her back to a good standing in her covenant membership.

MAKING AMENDS

In an attempt to rid herself & her surroundings of anything that might cause her to sin, Alison began purging her room of the things she used to self harm. She inadvertently forgot where she had hidden one of these items, and one day when Leigh was in Alison’s room making her bed, she discovered it under Alison’s mattress.

(I must note that in my opinion this seemed like a gross invasion of privacy for Leigh to even be in Alison’s room, much less making her bed)

That same night, Leigh confronted Alison about the razor blade she had found under Alison’s mattress. Alison tried to explain to her that she had thrown away all of the the things she used to self-harm, and had just accidentally overlooked this one. Leigh refused to believe her, berated her loudly and was extremely harsh with her, calling her an ‘Israelite‘ (a negative term I am unfamiliar with, which Leigh used against Alison to mean she had returned to the ‘bondage’ of sin like the Israelites returned to bondage in the desert.). Alison left the McLaughlin house that night and slept in her car. She received an email from Brett telling her that she was ‘choosing sin over repentance‘ and he also called her an ‘Israelite‘. 

Brett and Leigh kicked Alison out of their home in 2011, after 2 1/2 years of living with them and she moved back in with her friend.

Also, they wanted the camera & computer back.

A SIDE NOTE ON Steve Hardin

I recently discovered that Steve Hardin left The Village Church in October 2018 and is now the White Rock Campus Pastor for Lake Pointe Church. This is curious to me because Lake Pointe Church is NOT reformed or calvinistic in any way, shape or form. I’m wondering if this is a shift in theology over at Lake Pointe, especially with Steve Stroope retiring in the next few months?

moving on

After the ‘incident’, Alison was urged to reconcile with Brett & Leigh. After several meetings with Brett & TVC pastors, Alison agreed to meet with the McLaughlin’s for dinner and clear the air. Alison apologized for what had happened, even though the McLaughlin’s were the ones who had misunderstood the situation and kicked her out of their house. Finally, the chapter was closed on Leigh & Brett.

When Alison’s roommate got married, she moved in with another TVC couple, *James  and *Rachel (not their real names) and started attending the TVC Flower Mound campus. 

(Alison wanted to express how much she appreciated James & Rachel for everything they did for her to make her feel safe during that time, and that they did, and still do mean a great deal to her. To quote her directly, “They loved me really, really well.”)

It was at the FM campus that Alison got connected with another home group. Since it is customary to share your sins and struggles in these home groups, Alison decided to speak up one night about her struggle with depression. She assured the group that she meant no harm to herself, and that she was just feeling a bit hopeless and was requesting prayer. 

***I found out recently that during this time period that Alison was attending TVC (approx 2012), there was a policy (not sure if it was official or unofficial) that if someone expressed that they were depressed or thinking of suicide, anyone and everyone was required to report to TVC leadership and they would take steps to have this person treated.

 

THE LAKE

After home group that evening, Alison decided to drive up to her favorite spot at a nearby lake and just spend some time thinking and enjoying the view. While on her way there, her friend Chelsea from home group called her to check on her, and Alison told her where she was going. Within a few minutes, Alison sees lights from a police car shining in her rearview mirror and then a police officer taps on her drivers side window with his flashlight. She then sees another car pull up with four or five of the ladies from her home group. These ladies had told the police that Alison was suicidal and the police where there to take her to a treatment facility!

Alison tells the police officers that she is NOT suicidal and relates to them the events of the evening. The officers made her get out of her car so they could search her AND her vehicle. They then inform her that her ‘friends’ are concerned about her and that she has two choices: go home with her friends and stay the night with them or go with the police so that they can check her into a mental facility.  She decides to go with her ‘friends’.

the morning after

“Get up! Get dressed & come downstairs! These girls took off of work for you, aren’t you gonna say thank you?”

 

The next day, Alison awoke to the loud voice of TVC staff member Mary Anderson standing over her, ordering her to get up and march downstairs. It was barely morning.

Alison is met downstairs in the kitchen by her home group friends. Mary informs Alison that she has two choices – let her and Alison’s home group friends drive her to a mental facility, or they will call the police. Mary tells her that she has already spoken with the police and that they told her if Alison refuses to go with them, to call them back and they would take her forcefully. Alison pleads with them to not make her go, because she can’t afford to miss work or pay for the hospital stay – and she promises to check herself into a facility if she feels suicidal. They all assure her not to worry about the money, that ‘one way or another it will all be taken care of‘.

With no other choice to make, Alison chooses to go with Mary and her home group ‘friends’ (at this point I can’t say they are her friends). On the way to the facility, Alison texts her friend James and tells him what is going on – that she doesn’t know where she is being taken, except that it is to a treatment facility – and that she would reach out to him when she could.

When they arrive at the facility, Mary begins to exclaim loudly, “My friend is going to kill herself!” so that Alison is taken back quickly to be assessed. Again, her home group friends & Mary keep reassuring Alison not to worry about the cost of the hospitalization.

Then they left.

Alison undergoes a psychiatric evaluation and is released. No one from TVC, except for her friend James, bothers to check up on her. James called all the hospitals in the area until he found out where she was. She is left with a hospital bill of over $800.

the membership covenant

When Alison returned to church a week or so later, she was completely ignored by Mary Anderson (TVC staff member) whom she saw several times in the church building. When she attended home group, Alison was told that she ‘didn’t look happy and probably shouldn’t come back…’

So much for all of that love and concern…..

Alison was done with The Village Church.

Even though she did not attend TVC from the end of 2013 through all of 2014, Alison was still considered a ‘covenant member’. When she asked to be released from her membership, she was told that she couldn’t, because she had been placed under church discipline for a SECOND time. She was told by TVC that she would not be able to attend another church unless she went through the process of church discipline first, THEN withdrew her membership. At this point Alison had no plans to return to ANY church, so she told them she didn’t care about walking out church discipline and being restored- her only concern was the hospital bill she was left with.

 

Karen Hinkley Connection

Alison had befriended Karen Hinkley during the time that Karen was going through her turmoil in withdrawing her membership from TVC. When Matt Chandler finally issued a public apology to Karen in 2015, he appealed to the TVC congregation to come to the leadership if they had failed to care for them properly. Karen urged Alison to speak with TVC leadership and tell them how she had been mistreated. Karen arranged for a meeting with Josh Patterson (current lead pastor at TVC) and Steve Hardin. All four of them met and Alison shared with Josh & Steve about the gross mistreatment she had endured at TVC, and that she wanted out of her membership covenant.

A week later she received an email from TVC, letting her know that she had been released from her membership covenant.  She also received a check in the mail for her hospital bill.

THEY DIDN’T WANT HER TO TALK

observations

“They pluck you out of the ocean and drown you in the bathtub.”

This was Alison’s observation of how the recovery groups work at The Village Church. They draw in people who are hurting – who may have come from abusive backgrounds or have addictions, mental health issues or relationship problems – and they tell you it’s all YOUR fault. YOU have the sin problem, and if you just confess confess confess, and try harder, your life will get better. 

A couple of phrases that Alison told me that were said in the recovery groups stood out to me:

 

We choose to love you instead of making you feel loved.”

We’ve all been abused and we are all abusers.”

 

To unpack the damaging theology in these statements would take a whole separate post! The sin-leveling in the second statement is grossly negligent in dealing with victims of abuse. Alison herself was a victim of abuse in her childhood, and yet she was told in a TVC recovery group that she was just as bad as the person who abused her!

The worst and most heartbreaking thing that Alison told me was something that a TVC staff member said to her, when she was going through a particularly difficult time in her depression and was suffering from suicidal thoughts. This TVC staff member said to her,

 

“Why don’t you just f***ing do it already then?

 

I can’t even fathom the despair that Alison must have felt to hear those words from a staff member of a church that she had placed her hope of healing in. 

I documented how Matt Chandler shamed a member of his own staff who committed suicide in this post.

 

BETTER TODAY

After leaving The Village Church, Alison sought professional treatment for her depression and received a proper diagnosis and medication. She moved back to her hometown and continues to work on her mental health and is thriving.

She struggles, however, in her faith. Like Christina, her experience at TVC has forever scarred her view of God. The abuse she suffered in a religious environment was traumatic. It was difficult for her to share her story, but Alison felt it was important for people to know about the abusive tactics that TVC uses to control and hurt people, (particularly in the recovery groups) and more importantly, how it can damage their view of and relationship with God. 

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1 year ago

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[…]usually posts some very fascinating stuff like this. If you are new to this site[…]

Tony Torres
Tony Torres
3 years ago

7/12/2020   Personally, I wouldn’t trust Steve and the rest of the crew [while my time at the TVC, prior to changes]. I had been a member of that church from about 2007 to 2017. When I was in dire need of spiritual health, I believe that this church (TVC) turned away and ignored me. I personally believe that they do not genuinely care for a brother, a sister (James 2 Faith without works is dead).   I had brought my concerns to their attention last year (to NorthWay)…in my view, they didn’t care. Instead of diving deep and searching… Read more »

Mr. Jesperson (from Wartburg Watch)
Mr. Jesperson (from Wartburg Watch)
4 years ago

Thanks for posting up this personal testimony and admitting that things might be more complicated than just this one point of view. There are a lot of strange things that go on in what is called a church today, and by that I mean things that are hypocritical and the opposite of the things Jesus actually taught. My heart goes out to those who do suffer with various forms of mental illness. Too many times they are either ignored, shamed in ways that do not help but make things worse, or treated in weird ways by people who want to… Read more »

Anonymous TVC Member
Anonymous TVC Member
4 years ago

Regarding Steve Hardin, I know he wasn’t in their plans as Lead Pastor for the roll off of the Dallas Campus, so looks like he took another role. Not sure whether he was forced out or voluntarily left. It is interesting that his Bio at Lakepointe doesn’t mention TVC at all.

Dee Parsons
Dee Parsons
4 years ago

Anna I cannot thank you enough for this excellent post. My heart goes out to Alison and I’m so glad that she left The Village Church which comes off looking like an abusive cult . TVC played games with her. They cannot force a member to stay in their church due to church discipline, even if she signed a church covenant. A simple cease and desist letter is all it takes to stop this nonsense. However, TVC pretends that they have the authority to prevent members from leaving and most of the members are fooled into thinking that they do… Read more »