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Clergy Sexual Abuse

Let’s have a conversation about Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA). 

I am shocked at the lack of insight and education regarding Clergy Sexual Abuse in the church. With the news of Matt Chandler’s inappropriate ‘friendship’ with a woman-not-his-wife, I believe it’s important to revisit this topic to hopefully make the definition clear.

What constitutes Clergy Sexual Abuse and what does not?

Ask Me How I Know

I’ll draw from my own experience, in the spirit of education. I was abused by a pastor over a decade ago. It did not become physical, but was no less traumatizing and life altering. It is important that people understand the dynamics of GROOMING and ABUSE.

The pastor who abused me was charismatic, likable and well loved by the congregation. Basically he could do no wrong, and he had no qualms about letting everyone know that. His arrogance level was 10 out of 10. We foolishly thought it was charming and funny. 

The GROOMING began early on, much earlier than I realized at first. He initiated a special ‘friendship’ with me pretty soon after we started attending his church. He made a point to let me know how smart I was about religious things and often mentioned me in his sermons and bible studies. He called me frequently to discuss ‘spiritual matters’. I felt honored that a pastor would value my thoughts and opinions. This seemingly innocent attention went on for YEARS. Little did I know that it was a huge violation of professional boundaries.

The overt ABUSE began when the conversations began to move to more personal topics, particularly his struggles. He would confide in me about people in the church, his wife, his kids, etc. Again, being naive in these matters, I felt honored to be able to minister to someone had ministered so much to me. None of these conversations were ROMANTIC or SEXUAL, but they were definitely abusive. He escalated this abuse when he started making comments about my appearance, my perfume, my daily habits, etc. He confessed that he was in love with me. He also created a trauma bond with me because of the counseling he did for my childhood abuse. It was very calculated and insidious, and he knew exactly what he was doing. REMEMBER THIS.

I began to break down as a person – emotionally, physically and spiritually. I finally broke my silence and revealed what he had been doing. Guess what? He actually confessed, but claimed it was an ’emotional affair’ (I know better now). He confessed to the assistant pastor and elders, but never confessed it publicly. The day the announcement was made to the church, he was not present. The assistant pastor told the congregation that what happened was merely a ‘friendship that had gotten too personal‘ and that nothing physical had happened (sound familiar?), which was 100% a lie. He then asked the congregation to either stand in support of the pastor to remain on staff or stay seated in opposition The majority of the congregation stood, and then applauded! Can you imagine? 

Why did these people overwhelmingly support the pastor? Because they were told a carefully crafted story to protect him. He was the figurehead that filled the pews, and by extension, the offering plate. The manner in which the church leadership chose to disclose MY abuse was simply a business decision.

There is usually no shortage of outrage when a teacher, doctor, therapist/psychiatrist abuses someone under their care, but there is a DESPERATE lack of outrage when a member of the clergy abuses someone under their care. Why is this? It’s an improper framework surrounding the professional nature of the clergy. Because those in ministry typically have personal relationships with those under their care, it can be confusing as to what differentiates relationships from abuse. Let’s break that down.

Clergy are considered a part of the group known as the ‘helping professions’, along with therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists, doctors, teachers, etc. All of these professions, with the exception of the clergy, are usually held to a standard of conduct mandated by law (ethical code). A teacher can lose their license for engaging in inappropriate conduct with a student; a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist can lose their license for crossing professional boundaries by have a a ‘personal relationship’ with their client. I believe it’s pretty clear that a doctor cannot ethically pursue a relationship with a patient under his care. Additionally, these professions have guidelines on what are considered appropriate and inappropriate interactions between the professional & the client/student/patient. There is a reason for this, and it’s call power dynamics.

WHAT ARE POWER DYNAMICS?

 
“Power dynamics is how different people or different groups of people interact with one side being stronger than the other.”

In layman’s terms, most of our everyday relationships with family and friends carry equal power between all parties. We are able to fully consent within these relationships because of the equal power held by all.

This is not true, however, for power imbalanced relationships. For example, a teacher has POWER over a student due to her professional position, education and experience. By the same token, this is true for therapists/psychiatrist/psychologists and doctors. When there is a power imbalance in the relationship, the one with the lesser power cannot consent as it pertains to boundaries crossed, by the one with more power. There are laws in almost every state that prohibit improper conduct by helping professionals. 

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO CLERGY?

There are currently 15 states that criminalize sexual conduct between clergy & congregant. In my state (Texas) there is a law that protects those who are sexually abused by clergy (regardless of age), and it is the same law that applies to teachers, therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists, doctors, etc. WHY? Because the clergy have POWER over those under their care by the professional nature of their office as well as their training, knowledge & experience. They should be held to the same standard as the other helping professions when they abuse that power. Here is a link to the Texas state statute.

“Sec. 22.011. SEXUAL ASSAULT. (a) A person commits an offense if:

(10) the actor is a clergyman who causes the other person to submit or participate by exploiting the other person’s emotional dependency on the clergyman in the clergyman’s professional character as spiritual adviser;”

CROSSING THE LINE

The overarching discourse in the Matt Chandler situation seems to center around the nature of his relationship with the woman-not-his-wife.. According to Chandler and the elders at The Village Church, their communications became too frequent and familiar. Guess what that sounds like? You guessed it – GROOMING. The question that needs to be answered is, what is this woman’s relationship to The Village Church and Matt Chandler. 

YouTube screen grab

Is she a congregant? A staff member? A family friend that does not attend The Village Church? That fact must be known in order to determine whether abuse has taken place.

Let’s assume that she is a member of The Village Church. Is it ok for her to be friends with Matt Chandler? Yes – with appropriate boundaries in place that are 100% the responsibility of Matt Chandler. Why? Because he has more power in the relationship due to the professional nature of his office & position. His literal job is to care for the souls of the people under his care, and that includes congregants that might also happen to be his friends. Because he carries such a huge responsibility to maintain appropriate boundaries 100% of the time, it is IMPERATIVE that his professional relationship boundaries always supercede the personal relationship when it involves a member of his church.

FOR EXAMPLE:

Let’s say I am under the care of a licensed professional counselor. My child and my therapist’s child happen to play on the same baseball team. We will undoubtedly see each other at games and may engage in small talk as fellow parents, but what is ALWAYS in the forefront is the professional nature of our relationship. It would be 100% unethical for us to become BFF’s while under her care, even if our kids play on the same baseball team. Why? Because of the power imbalance. How do I know this? Because my actual therapist told me. She also added that the therapeutic relationship would have to be completely terminated along with a significant period of time to pass afterward  before she would even CONSIDER a friendship with a former client. That’s how important professional boundaries are. They are in place to protect the person with the least amount of power in the relationship .

EXAMPLES OF INAPPROPRIATE CONTACT/BEHAVIOR BY A PASTOR

  • Flirting
    Flirtatious texts, calls or other communication for non-ministerial/work related reasons
  • Inappropriate Comments
    Commenting on your appearance, talents & skills that feels uncomfortable or inappropriate
  • Unwanted Touch
    ANY touching without your consent, including hugs.
  • Sexual Language/Innuendo
    Coarse joking, lewd or sexual comments, any sexualization of the relationship, even in conversation
  • Confides in you
    It is NEVER ok for a pastor to confide in a congregant regarding his struggles (ministry or otherwise)
  • Tells you only 'you' understand him & he needs you
    If a pastor is telling you that you are the only person who 'gets him' or understands him, this is abuse. It is never the responsibility of the congregant to counsel the pastor (role reversal).
  • Confesses he has feelings for you
    It is abusive if a pastor confesses to you that he loves you or has feelings for you
  • Coerces you into sexual activity
    It is a crime in 15 states for a pastor to have any physical sexual contact with a congregant - period.
  • Blames the relationship (abuse) on you
    It is the responsibility of the pastor to maintain appropriate boundaries with congregants 100% of the time. It is never the fault of the congregant when the pastor violates those boundaries.
  • Initiates unwanted/unsolicited contact
    If your pastor is contacting you privately by text, email, direct or private messaging on social media accounts - be cautious. If this contact was unsolicited or becomes excessive, it is abusive.

"EVERYONE IS BEING MEAN TO MATT CHANDLER"

Matt’s supporters are out in full force on social media defending their celebrity pastor. Those of us who have seen this dog and pony show play out countless times can’t seem to get these folks to see the sham that was pulled on them right before their eyes. Also, they either refuse to acknowledge or don’t care about the countless other awful things their pastor has done in the past. Here’s a link to my other posts that provide plenty of evidence of the heavy handed leadership at The Village Church, under Matt’s direction and leadership. That doesn’t include the issues with Acts29 & Steve Timmis that have been covered by other outlets & bloggers. Matt is no saint, so there is absolutely no reason to give him the benefit of the doubt in this situation.

 My fellow blogger Todd Wilhelm (@thouarttheman) posted these videos from The Village Church from February 2022. This was the same month the woman confronted Matt in the lobby concerning her friend. In this clip at the 1:18 min mark, Matt confesses to a significant period of time that his marriage had not been good. REMEMBER this is the same month Matt was confronted about his inappropriate online conversations with the woman-not-his-wife.

In the transcript of last Sunday’s service (8/28/22), Matt refers to a time of difficulty for the last 6-7 years.

“So the elders have decided, and I think they’re re right, my inability to see what I was in, probably has some, huh, revealing of unhealthy in me and I don’t know if that’s tied to the pace I run or the difficulty of the last 6-7 years…”

Is Chandler trying to slip in an ‘excuse’ for his behavior? It seems so. His poor wife.

In this clip (from the same sermon), at the 1:30 min mark, Matt remarks that he got together with friends and told inappropriate jokes. How is this ok for a pastor, and to openly ADMIT that he does this with his friends? Goodness, what does above reproach even mean to these guys?

HE'S BEEN BUSY FOLKS

Chandler has had quite the year. 

He’s been featured on podcasts, written articles, appeared at numerous conferences…some of that time while under church discipline and under investigation by a 3rd party!

Here are just a few….

That’s not all! He is still slated to appear at these upcoming conferences:

THE ROOT OF ABUSE IS A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT

The story behind Matt & Lauren Chandler’s relationship has never been a secret. In fact, they have developed a marriage study series where they tell their story in detail. What most people overlook is the fact that Matt met Lauren when she was 17…at a church camp…where he was the speaker/pastor. According to Matt, “I knew when I left Colorado that I was going to marry Lauren Walker. I met Lauren at a youth camp where she was a student and I was the camp pastor.” Matt was 23 years old. 

And there’s the entitlement folks. 

Matt felt ‘entitled’ to abuse his position a camp pastor and cross boundaries with a 17 year old vulnerable student. I know, I know…everyone is like, “but they’ve been married a long time and have 3 kids etc etc..” but that does not change the fact that Matt Chandler is pretty open about the fact that he saw something he wanted and he did whatever he had to do to get it, which included crossing professional boundaries with a student camper. The signs were already there.

It is my opinion, based on the VERY limited information that The Village Church has provided – Matt Chandler was abusing a congregant through direct message conversations that he felt he was entitled to engage in. I believe that the woman who confronted Matt in the lobby in February is a HERO and we should all have friends like her. I think she told Matt she was gonna expose him and he did a little pity dance and asked if he could take it to the leadership before she said anything publicly. I also believe Matt initially challenged the elders and a 3rd party investigative LAW firm was brought in to provide clarity (read: you’ll never get to see the report). The church has undoubtedly spent MONTHS and lot of the giving unit’s money to carefully craft a cover story to keep Matt on staff…for now. More information will leak out, it always does.

Here is a great Twitter thread by @djos24 where they break down the manipulative tactics uses by The Village Church, Josh Patterson & Matt Chandler. Please educate yourself.

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Rick Dale
Rick Dale
2 years ago

There’s another discussion about Calvinism and it’s lack of sound doctrine, coupled with a practice since John Calvin, and later the Puritans, to control bodies, particularly women’s bodies. At a metaphorical level read Nathaniel Hawthorne. It’s about white, male power and privilege. For men like these they dialogue between themselves, dismiss disagreement of their positions and doctrine and regard women as needing to be submissive procreators. Does that sound cynical? Al Mohler, according to J.D. Hall (himself in a world of pain), the smartest man in the room, and was a major driver of the conservative takeover of the SBC.… Read more »

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jetty
jetty
2 years ago

Matt Chandler took the stage and declared: “I’m the lead pastor of this church and I plan on being the lead pastor of this church for the next twenty years”. The arrogance and entitlement in this statement alone is sickening.

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